Plan

Short blog:

Last week I thought about the difference between these two phrases.

I never planned on being _____. (fill in blank with, unhappy, fat, grumpy, mean, disorganized...whatever it is...)

and this

I planned on never being_____. (same adjective...)

One is a backward glance at what should not have been but was, accidentally, anyway. The other is the forward thinking planning for what is wanted and not wanted in life. I imagine that it is not unhappy, fat, grumpy, mean, disorganized, etc. people who say, "I planned on never being_____." If they planned against those things they didn't want and for the things they did, then they are likely happy, healthy, kind, etc. The Cheshire Cat is known for having this conversation with Alice (and for little else I imagine, including for the place Cheshire, from which the fictional character is supposed to have come and which is not addressed at all in the story):

Alice: I was just wondering if you could help me find my way.
Cheshire Cat: Well that depends on where you want to get to.
Alice: Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as...
Cheshire Cat: Then it really doesn't matter which way you go.

It matters to me very much which way I go and so I plan on being happy, healthy, kind, etc. and I work toward that little by little so I never have to use the phrase, " I never planned on being_____." Because I did...I did plan on being...I planned on being quite a lot!

Love The One You're With

Walls walls everywhere...and they ain't padded! I had a conversation with a co-worker this week. He is older than me...single...sad. I invited him to an activity we were having and he explained that he didn't do the single thing anymore...he's just too old and he doesn't fit in anymore. I asked then if he hangs out with people his age...no, they're married. So, let me get this straight...you don't hang out with single people and you don't hang out with married people. You're alone. Basically...I've resigned myself. Wikipedia defines resignation as the following: "A resignation is the formal act of giving up or quitting one's office or position. It can also refer to the act of admitting defeat in a game like chess, indicated by the resigning player declaring 'I resign', turning his king on its side, extending his hand, or stopping the chess clock." This general vibe of giving up I find in a lot of single people. But I don't mean giving up ever finding someone to fall in love with, thought that it is included. It almost seems that if they can't have the one an only, they won't have anyone! It does seem to be a formal act of giving up and deciding not to have relationships of any kind. It's like they need to keep a comfortable distance from others...must not get too close. There seems to be the unspoken, "We're not in love so we can't offer to each other love of any kind." These people leave activities early and miss the small group that always ends up talking at the end. They never commit to too much time with you or can't decide if they'll be able to make it. They don't want to be counted on... and so success...they're not! I need people. I need to be needed by them. And there are more than enough of them around to care about. I find myself reaching out even more to love others when I think about not having ONE to love. Friends, married friends, old and young friends. The options are endless and the ability to commit to any and all of them is mine...yours! Invest!



This is, of course, a harder issue with members of the opposite gender. If you let someone into your heart who is, as far as gender goes, an "option" for you then be prepared to get straight armed eventually when one or the other decides that because happily ever after is not an option then happy as friends right now can't be either. I'm not talking the "Love The One You're With" kind fo love where you get what you can from someone who you don't plan on commiting life and eternity to. I'm talking about genuinely letting yourself become a part of each others lives. I can't count how many times I've thought to fight the urge to text or call a male friend, FRIEND, because I don't want him to think that I think that he thinks...ARGH! I made a commitment to myself once. If I see a movie, hear a funny story, see interesting people, have something fun I want to go do or whatever and am reminded of anyone I care about or I just have a thought to text someone or drop a note in the mail, I do it! If the thoughts that make me second guess what they think my thinking of them might mean come to mind, it just makes me that much more determined to follow through. You wanna know where it's gotten me? You want to know where caring and not being afriad to show it to people who can't be one thing or the other has gotten me? YOU WANNA KNOW? YOU WANNA KNOW? I'll tell you! I have loved and been loved more than I have heart enough to handle. The "one true loveless" life I lead is filled with so much love that my extra large body doesn't even seem big enough to hold it all. Some of love is seasonal, and situation or location change will make it different. And a lot of love is very long term with the children of these friends knowing your name and seeing you when thier families come through town and eventually living in your basement when they go away to college. If we were meant to only feel love for that one person in our life, then what would be the point of all of the other great people we have the blessed chance to meet existing around us even be. They are there to be loved... without dwelling on what they aren't, won't be, or what will eventually change. I have looked down the two options of life that lay ahead of me...the one with a handsome man to love and raise children with and the one on my own with the chance to love many people in my community, church, world, neighborhood. And what I see down both options is the opportunity to be a part of lives and to LOVE. I'll be happy with happily ever after... in whichever form it takes. I will be happy because loveless is not an option...for me anyway. Is it for you?